Looking for tales of debauchery, are you?

A story from the night before Thanksgiving:

So I'm in Greenville, and we're out getting drunk as usual. Laura Lee's mad on my jock. It's about 1:00 so we decide to go J.C. Fiddler's, the all-night membership-only bar. Of which I am an illustrious member. Nobody's working the door. In fact, it seems that the one bartender is the only guy working there. So we start checking people's IDs and taking five bucks apiece. And urinating in random places. This place was packed, and like I said there was one bartender, so we went to the gas station and brought in a couple cases of Busch Light. Now about this time Laura Lee comes up with two beers in her hand. I had none (that were open), so I grabbed on. In retaliation, she spit beer at me. I spit back. Then she guzzled like half a beer and let loose on me. As I turned away and tried to stop the spray against my head, I decked her. The record skipped. The waterworks started. Yikes. She ended up outside, calling one of the neighborhood dads to come pick her up. Something tells me Big Rick aint too happy with me. So about 3 I figure it's time to go home, and my ride aint anywhere close to leaving. So I start walking the few miles home. I get more than halfway, and my buddy Jake calls me: "Hey man, where you at?" "At the elementary school, walking home" "Stay right there". So he comes to pick me up, I think he's taking me home, but he brings me RIGHT BACK TO THE FIDDLER! Pulling back in, he hits another car with the '07 Tahoe that he's driving, borrowed from the dealership he works at. He doesn't flinch. So luckily my Busch Light was there, and I keep drinking for a few hours. And its like 5:30 and he decides maybe it's time to head out. Let me tell you this, and it means a lot coming from me: his was THE WORST drunk driving I have ever seen. He was going at least double the speed limit at all times, and kept missing turns b/c he was too drunk to see/know they were coming up. So we're headed back to my parent's house, and the guy riding shotgun convinces him that it'd be quicker to take him home first. So Jake stops, and as he's turning around, I'm like fuck this, I'm outta here. I had a beer and one hand and some Cheez-Its in the other hand, and I couldn't find the door lock. Jake's speeding up past 15, 20, 25 miles per hour. I finally find the lock, make a split second decision, open the door, and dive out at about 35 mph! So I tumble out, rip my jeans, lose a shoe, and fuck up my left arm. Needless to say I walked the rest of the way home. My arm will be okay, but the motion's still limited and the scab's pretty big.

In other news, I love exam period. I can go bone dry all semester, but in 3 semesters of law school I have not failed to get some during exam period. And this girl's in like all my classes, we have all the same friends, so I can't talk about it at school! It's killing me! She used to be in all sorts of pageants (and won a few), but maybe you guys will chalk that up to her being in South Carolina pageants. Make your fun; we'll see who laughs last.

And that's the Pat Scarlett debauchery report.

P.S. guys let's pick it up on the blog posts; i need entertainment. and i like hearing from you blah blah mushy crap

P.P.S. Greg and I had a pretty sweet time canoeing down the river here in Columbia last week; thanks for stopping by brother!