Corruption, Blackmail and Chimpanzees.

Hello everybody. I apologize for not posting as frequently as I should, but frankly, I've been feeling a little inadequate due to the posts of Axford and Pat. I have not punched a girl in the face, nor have I jumped out of a moving vehicle, fought a troop of marines, published a screenplay or signed with the Yankees. With props to Greg, I havent even been shipped to Iraq for super secret counter intelligence work. But this is why I love you guys: the wonderful vicarious living I get to do through you is plenty to carry me through the hum drum of everyday life.

So what is new with me? Not a whole lot. Im still working at the DOJ, but have gotten bored of it. In fact, I applied for a job with the newly elected congresswoman of my home district, but at the interview I found out id have to take a 20k pay cut for the privilege! Staffers on the hill dont make beans...no wonder there is so much corruption on Capitol Hill. So im not entirely sure what my next step will be: maybe another job, maybe law school, maybe the priesthood.

Which is as good a segway into my relationship with Amy as any. In short, things are going very well. She made the trip down to Tucson for Christmas, which despite some serious stress went pretty well. She got into med school in Texas, where she will start either next fall or in fall 2008. I dont really know what will become of us when I go off to school or she does, but for the time being I cannot complain.

Damn it guys, im really trying to think of an off-the-wall story for your entertainment, but I got nothing! I could steal some stories from other friends and tell them as my own. For instance, I could say that at the end of a weekend at Foxwoods Casino, where I won $35,000, I caught a man cheating at the poker table. I noticed that every so often, he would rub behind his ears in the middle of a hand. I moved positions at the table for a better look, and sure enough, I detected the faintest glimmer on the cards in his hand. The son of a bitch was marking cards, and making approximately $10k per day as a result! I had a decision to make: tell the casino, or blackmail the man and extort many more thousands of dollars. What to do, what to do. I havent yet made my decision, because while I would like to try the latter, I am concerned that I might get murdered in the process.

Or, I could tell you about the time I got dumped by my girlfriend of five years, and decided to do something completely insane to get over the pain. I quit my job as a software engineer, and on a whim sent a resume to the Kruger Wildlife Park in South Africa where a position had opened in their chimpanzee sanctuary. I figured that it would help my chances of getting the position if I knew something about chimpanzees, so I wrote in on my resume that I had completed a post-doc in zoology and had worked with chimpanzees for 2 years in undergrad. Nevermind that I was a computer sciences major and do not know the first thing about primates. Guess what: I got the job, and am headed for South Africa in a month! Consequences be damned.

But, as I said, these are not my stories but those of my friends. For the real me, things are somewhat quiet but I find myself content. Just keep writing in your stories, and thatll be enough for me!